I am feeling so overwhelmed that the sight of a stray hair in the shower that I might have to clean up sends me over the edge.
The husband is taking a class on how to teach online classes. Um, yeah, he is taking it... online. His brilliant idea is that I should take it with him. But not sign up or pay for it or get credit for it. I should just do the work with him. We will just sit with that one for a minute.
End result... me teaching online classes... not a bad idea. Me take a class right now, that he gets the credit for, but I do the work for. Not so much.
Brilliant Idea # 2.
Husband is under the impression he is disabled and can't hold a fulltime job. Ever. Again. He has also been turned down repeatedly for disability. Option he has come up with -
Move back to California. Go back into the classroom for a year. Get back in good with CALSTRS (California State Teachers Retirement blah, blah, blah). Then collect disability FOR LIFE from them.
Move. Back. To. California.
He asks would you go? I can't figure out how to get the words "Hell NO!" out without screams and tears, so naturally I say, "Ummm, I don't know." (tap, tap in the back of my brain. HE would have to work for a year. HE could support the family. Perhaps then I could have my mental breakdown without guilt.) (I'm just sayin'.)
Okay, the sad thing is when he said the first sentence of 'Move back to California for a year to get disability reactivated...' I thought, "You want me to help you pack?"
Gone by Lisa McMann
16 years ago
5 comments:
I am giving you permission to have a mental breakdown without guilt. Hey, if newspapers can be online, why not permission slips?
Isn't moving somewhere at the top of that "biggest life stressors" list?
And, since I'm fairly new here -- why does he think he is disabled?
Hun. That's the solution. Invite him to go. Tell him you're not leaving him but you're not uprooting the kids again. They are happy and settled. And you think that his going and getting his disability reinstated is friggin brilliant.
Of course you don't have to do what I say. I'm just sayin IT'S A SOLUTION. And, maybe... just a wee, tiny bit ... one of the breaks you need.
And, um, what do you have to lose by suggesting it? Really? What? What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you utter those words?
He freaks.
To which I say, SO? You smooth it over with, "Ok. Don't go. I was just trying to make you happy. But moving will not make me happy. I can't do that. Sorry. But I will support you going for a year if you change your mind."
Word verification: tessenad . . . which just makes me think "Tess has gonads?" (Freak. Yeah. I know.)
P.S. Refuse to emote with him over this one.
Oh. Oh. OH. Have you read the Love and Logic books? They are about parenting but I kinda think they might work with how you have to communicate with him. They advocate laying out options (all of which are acceptable to you) and then going brain dead while the other person decides. Lots of "I'm sorry" and "That must make you feel bad" ...empathizing...but no arguing while the other person decides. Just a thought. Maybe a stupid one.
Working on a slighly longer post about this... He has blatently told me that he cannot go anywhere with out me. He would die/it would kill him. I dun remember which one it was.
Oh yeah, it is a much longer post. Me thinks it is in draft form and I should be able to get it up tomorrow.
Drag his ass into a counselor and discuss this. His position is unfair and is what is slowly leeching the life from you. If you don't, Anon and I are likely to tell him for you. Those kinds of statements by him are bullshit. Nothing more; nothing less. Do not take that.
And these thoughts are not, despite what word verification says, "sarcadmi".
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