Therefore this qualifies as a call for one of my happy pills. Lovely Anti-anxiety medications. I can take 1/2 or a whole. Damn it, fork over a whole one. Let us just say we (that would the royal "we") are now in the loopy category. At least I no longer feel there is the demon of doom following me everywhere waiting to pounce. But damn it, I know he is still out there somewhere, lurking...
Sorry, where was I?
It occurs to me that I have no idea what I am taking. I know it ends with -azipan or something like that. Off to Google!
Well huh, look at that.
clonazepam (Klonopin)
How They Are Used
High-potency benzodiazepines relieve symptoms quickly and have few side effects, although drowsiness can be a problem. These medications may be used for six months to a year. Klonopin is used to treat social phobia and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).
Precautions
May make it dangerous to drive or operate some machinery. Do not drink alcohol when taking benzodiazepines, because the interaction can cause serious problems and even death. May have withdrawal symptoms when stopping. Sometimes can rebound.
Common Side Effects
Few side effects. But may cause drowsiness, loss of coordination, tiredness, and mental slowing or confusion.
They need to add "makes me giggle" to the common side affects.
Side note: (What the hell, maybe it is a main note) I tell psychologist I am here cause I am seriously majorly depressed. Funny, people ask what's wrong with you, then they just go with it. What if what I think is wrong, is not correct? My psychologist, we shall call her Dr. Maria, cuz, well, that is her name, is taken aback by this depression diagnosis and the end. She thinks depression is a result not the cause. The cause is a mucho case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder AND Social An
xiety. Not dealing with these has lead to a major case of depression. God, I am a fucking mess.So now we are replanning my treatment options so hopefully I can function as a normal (HAH! whatever the hell that is) human being again.
Here is what I think. Given all that crap above, which apparently is me not just happenstance, I am in the wrong job, and the wrong marriage. Frack!
My god this has taken a whole different direction than I intended.
Anon - do you think I should clue mom into the posts from this blog? She reads Wildbites, but you know that is soo... not angsty. I don't want to freak her out more than necessary.
Laggin- I love hearing what your word verifications are. I am trying to figure out how to use "wrimper"
I suppose I Should attempt to do a bit of work today. Shuffle shuffle misdirect.
5 comments:
"My god this has taken a whole different direction than I intended." Really? REALLY?
Hmm. It's kind of going with what I expected. Sortof. As in same general direction.
But the social anxiety thing is no big surprise. I didn't put a tag on it but...hello? Second Life? Aren't leaving the house? It's Car-man's diagnosis too.
And what do you mean wrong marriage? Did Dr. Maria say that to you?
Chyped...is that a Chia Pet pedophile? Scary.
Ok, I just read this again.
"The cause is a mucho case of Generalized Anxiety Disorder AND Social Anxiety. Not dealing with these has lead to a major case of depression. God, I am a fucking mess."
Not so much of a mess, really. If you know what's wrong it's so much easier to fix, right? Think of it that way.
As for "normal", no such thing. Just go with "functioning," that's all any of us is.
And I just caught onto the "Here is what I think" you stuck in there. (Stupid speed reading.) So it's YOUR conclusion that, "I am in . . . the wrong marriage." Got it.
Well, you've known my thoughts on that for more than a year now. If it's wrong, it's wrong. I'm here if you need a place to go. Car-man feels the same way. I'm sure your parents and Anon feel similarly.
We're here for you. Whatever you decide. And none of us will judge you for your decisions, when you make them . . . whichever way they go.
pyika = small deerlike mammal from Africa, right?
Terrified of meeting new people, new situtations. Anxiety just sounds so... not big enough for what I feel. Ah whatever.
Dr. Maria did not say wrong marriage, although i bet she is working towards it. I said it. This only works if you really know MJ and I, but his personality plus my personality, not such a good combination. He is a great person. I care about him deeply. He is not good for me. Still part of that whole other post I am working on...
I love logging in as Serenity instead of Rowan for comments, cuz then I get to play the word verification game too.
"psiochm" sounds like a disease. I probably have it. I should talk to Dr. Maria about it.
Psiochm is itchy skin causes by hanging around the Phi Psi house, so no worries. You can't get it.
Wow. Where did that come from?
Oustra = an openly gay orchestra?
HALLELUJAH! A diagnosis! I love diagnoses. They make me feel... feel ... so ... so... fixable! There's no more generalities of BS that go nowhere and you're left ambling about walking into self-diagnosed walls.
Now you have something you can work with. And yes, it's still going to seem insurmountable and you are in feeling in an untenable situation, but you also have someone who can provide direction.
As to Laggin's comment: you have many doors open to you, from me to mom to your friends. So you are not trapped.
Oh and one more thing: oustra? Oh bring it, sistah! (SNAP!) ;)
p.s. The mother is being kept abreast of the comings and goings-on here. I told her that I'd let her know if there was a time she had to read what was going on here.
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