Sisk... you may want to skip this one... As a matter of fact, the whole thing is probably TMI. I just need to vent. You may all want to skip the whole thing.
Why do men ask a question, when they don't really want to know the answer? I have repeatedly said that if you ask me a serious question, I am going to give a serious answer.
And then when they have asked said question, and received said answer that they asked an honest answer for... do they pout and get upset? And why when no matter how many times you say this is not about "you", do they take it personally? It is my issue. It always has and always will be (even though I am trying for it not to be).
I have told him many times that there are certain parts of my personality and the way I react to things that are just flawed (from many persons' perspectives). I have said bluntly that I am tired of fighting it (my reactions) and feeling flawed and he will just have to accept it. And he "says" he understands this.
But really, does he just want me to lie?
Okay, fine... here is the scoop.
Naturally I do not remember the exact question, but it was something along the lines of, "Does it make you uncomfortable/Do you not like it when I say do things of a playful sexual nature in public/in general?"
TMI coming - he is one of those guys where if given the slightest suggestion that sex might be forthcoming, joking, real, doesn't matter... he is ready to be off to the bedroom, car, whatever. So his mind is constantly in his pants. He also has a habit for grabbing, shall we say, the private parts before anything else.
So when he asks me that question... I think for a few seconds and say, non-committedly, "sort of." I decide just to stick to the groping issue because I think I can get him to understand that. I say, "I wish you would touch me somewhere else first before you head to the T&A. Shoulder, back, pat me on the head, whatever. Don't just reach out and grab a boob as an initial, and frequently only, contact." (Okay, I didn't say the last part.) "It is kind of like, 'Hello, the eyes are up here.'" I believe I put it in a more diplomatic manner. I try to be careful to do that.
Naturally, he looked wounded. I guess I should have said, "No honey, you are absolutely perfect and I love it when you do that." Hrrmmmph.
I know there is no good answer for this... and my issues are a whole other Oprah.
2 comments:
Yeah, Sisk, you're gonna hate it if you're reading this.
We had that problem early in the marriage. I point blank said, grabbing things and sticking things places doesn't do much for me. If you want me to enjoy sex, it's gonna take some work on your part. Otherwise, I'll probably just take a pass. Oh, and you're more likely to get it, if you work into it slowly with something approximating affection.
I remember he was hurt. But we talked about how it was just different for us girls. We rarely just go, "Hey. Guess what? I'm horny." It happens. Just not all that frequently.
Funny thing, he's worked at it for 16 years. Yeah for him! They really can be trained.
Hell, just print this out and hand it to Mark. Tell him I said, "Dude. Lesson here for how to get it on with your lady more regularly!"
Ok. Maybe not.
Okay. I read it. Believe it or not, I'm not freaked out. Okay, I'm a little on the blushing side, but nothing too whacko. I think the biggest problem is that Mark seldom thinks from the other person's point of view. So you pretty much to have to train him. I might suggest ... "Mark, honey? It's not that I don't like that. But how about five to ten minutes of something else first?" Or quite frankly, show him what you want and let him learn by example. That or a rolled up newspaper also works.
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