I, I, I, I, uh, oh shit

I really have to get some work done, but I have to share this. Got this email forwarded to me from the husband. I will shorten it up for you:

From the Husband to me:
Could you read through the series of emails and then help me answer this last one?

From MSUniversity to Sci Ed dept at MU
Last Friday we got permission to post 3 instructor positions that will each be for a 3-year term. 2 of them need to be generalists who can teach content methods---science and/or math.

Do you have any ABDs or almost ABDs in science ed who have been an elementary teacher and wish to get a foot in the door at MSU?

Please have anyone who wants more information or is interested in these positions email me ASAP. We plan to hire in the next month. The positions will begin Aug. 17.

Feel free to forward this to other faculty who may know potential applicants.

Thanks

(side note: someone had to explain ABD to husband. As a doctoral student that is just stupid. Those of you that have not pursued a PhD... ABD means "all but dissertation", means all the coursework is done , just that long ugly paper is left)

From Husband:
Dr. VIP, I am interested in this position, but would like further information: a general summary, required qualifications, preferred qualifications, and if you could provide me with a link to salary and benefits information that would be helpful. Thank you.

From Dr. VIP Ph.D
thanks for your email. I'll send you the link for the positions as soon as I can.

Do you mind telling me a bit about yourself? (I am the science educator with whom the sucessful applicant will work.)

Elementary teaching (grades 1-6) is a required qualification. I expect the minimum years of teaching required will be 3 years.

Where are you in your program at MU?

From the info at the bottom of your email, you have field experience supervision. What types of FE have you supervised/managed?

In brief, as well as I know it today, and at a minimumthe successful applicant willbe required to havean MS or higher in a content area related to elementary school and3 years or more of elementary school teaching experience. I'll check with the department headfor the Childhood Education and Family Studies department (the department in which I teach) for the rest of the info you're requesting.

I'll send you the position expectations---course load, field experience expectations, etc.as well.

I'll try to get this info to you by the end of the week. thanks

From Husband:
I'm attaching my CV for you to look over, but let me take this opportunity to tell you about myself.

(CV is curriculum vitae - a 1000 page resume that is used in academia becuase their stuff is so much more important than everyone else's)

I have a MEd in Science Education from MU, and am working towards a doctorate in science education. My primary topics of research have been classroom talk and discourse - blah, blah, blah... , I was published in Science and Children three times - blah, blah, blah...

I was a classroom teacher in Los Angeles, CA for eleven years in grades 4 - 8, - blah, blah, blah...

I am presently looking for full-time employment, and will continue to pursue my phd part-time. I am making this change because of financial consideration, which is why I asked about salary and benefits. I have a wife and two children, ages 6 and 7.

I look forward to speaking further with you about this opportunity.

From Dr. VIP Ph.D:
Are you thinking over the 3-year Instructor position at MSU or is the potential salary insufficeint? I don't know how negotiable the salary and benefits are. I assume the benefits are the same as those for all University employees---health insurance, etc.

Let me know if you are still interested or if you need more info. thanks

From Husband:
I am interested, my primary goal is to teach pre-service teachers and this would be a great opportunity for me. However, I think I need more information about - blah, blah, blah... Honestly, the salary is problematic and would make moving my family to Springfield rather difficult. My wife presently works for the College of Ed, as an academic advisor for the pre-service teachers, and we would lose her income until she could obtain another position. I would like to try to arrange a meeting - blah, blah, blah...

From Dr. VIP Ph.D
There may be a similar position for her here. I'll pass on your info to our COE. Our head advisor retired this week and we are in the process of hiring a replacement for her and reorganizing that section.

When would you like to come down?

From Husband:
This week and the following week are hectic with finals and various meetings. My schedule opens up the week of May 26th. Could we wait until then?


From Dr. VIP Ph.D:
Yes. We have finals this week and my daughter is getting married on May 23 so the week prior is also crammed for me.

Let's stay in touch and I'll also communicate with my department head to make sure we can supply all the info you need on one trip down here.


From Husband:
That sounds good to me. Best wishes and congrats to you and your daughter.


From Dr. VIP Ph.D:
thanks.

What kind of job does your wife need? What does she do now? What are her qualifications? What kind of salary does she need?

*****************************************************************************

I, uh, shit. Okay I know I said the moving thing was a bad, bad, bad idea. But Springfield is 30-45 minutes from mumsy and popsicle, and I don't think much further than from here to KC. Worst case scenario, I could just as easily share sutody in Springfield as I could here... OMG OMG OMG. (this is not excitement, just general freak out)

Note: although I did edit some stuff out. I did NOT correct anything. Damn edjimicated peoples sound like hillbillies.

Okay. Deep breath. This usually amounts to nothing. I HAVE TO GET SOME WORK DONE! Would you people quit bothering me?