*waves*

I are here. Bad grammar and all. It's been a long time since I blogged last. But, I really couldn't think of anything to blog about. And honestly (major insecurity warning) I didn't think anyone would really notice or care. Thanks to some nagging, okay, actually gentle nudges from Laggin, Tonks, Davi, Rockin Mama, and Anon, I have found that I am missed. Thank you for your messages. They would make my day.

So why did I not blog after said gentle nudges? Dunno. I really haven't been doing anything interesting, but let's see if we can get caught up. When we last heard from our heroine (that would be me), I was quitting my job to become a mommy full-time and a student. I did that.

I spent the summer with the kids. We went to the park and the pool. We went to the movies a couple of times. The summer flew by.

Next thing I knew it was fall and the kids returned to school and I suddenly had a lot of free time on my hands. I do laundry and dishes and pick up and clean somewhat. But I refuse to clean "all the things". (refers to a hilarious post, that I don't easily have a link to, but if someone wants to put it in the comments...) Anyway, I hate cleaning, it's yucky. So it gets done sporadically.

I took one class this fall, basically to try out this student thing, and see if I liked it. The jury is still out on this. I mean I love being a student and learning, but I am not to sure of the program. (library science, for those of you playing along at home). It is an online introductory class, so not to rigorous, although the assessments are questionable. My first one I made a typo oopsy on a 5-part matching section and got one wrong. I lost all 5 points. Pissed me off to no end. I lost another point on a trick question, and that grade was in the toilet. The second assessment I lost a point to another trick question. So basically I needed to get a 100% on all the remaining assessments to get an A in the course. Yes, As are important to me. I can be anal about somethings. Trying to shorten up this story... I have completed all the assessments except one. The one I finished were all 100%. Yay, me! But this last one, I am not confident on three of the questions, so I have been hesitating submitting it. I have until December to do so, so I can procrastinated a little longer.

I am planning to take two classes in the spring. I am not real excited about them. I didn't pick them because they are interesting, but because they are the only two available that I can take at this time. Unfortunately they are night classes. Which if I had a job would be great, but I don't so... I guess that gives me more time to study during the day.

Okay, the personal stuff... The hubs is being very supportive of all this, no job and going to school thing. Which is very good.

Honesty and perhaps TMI, my doctor changed her diagnosis of me to bi-polar depressive and anxiety. And then played around with my medications accordingly. The good news is that it seems to have worked. I am much more even tempered and even mooded (I know not a real word, but just go with me). The down side is that it has really mellowed me out. I don't really do anything I don't have to, and have turned into somewhat of a recluse. (hmmm... Hence no blogging?) Dr. Maria and I are attempted to work on that. The drug doctor says I should do something everyday that scares me. Hell, leaving the house scares me, so anything, even grocery shopping works for that. Anyway, thus ends the TMI portion of our broadcast.

Thank you so very much to everyone who sent me messages checking up on me. It did do good things for me. And I will try not to be so much of a stranger.

And OMG! I am going to be unemployed in less than an hour.

Birthday Fears

So tomorrow is the boy child's 7th birthday party. It is a a local Chuck E Cheese type place. He invited 8 boys in his class he likes. I included our phone number as an RSVP on the invitations. NO ONE HAS CALLED.

What am I going to do if no one shows up to his party?

Step 1

So I gave my notice. My official last day of work will be May 28th. It's a relief and terrifying at the same time. I keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Stupid fricking anxiety.

I started the application to the graduate school.

I bought a GRE study guide.

Everyone, personally, professionally, has been super-supportive and positive and excited for me. I am scared to death. I don't deal with change very well.

I still have to struggle to get through the day at work. There is about an hours worth of work to do each day. And then there are only so many blogs I can read, games on Facebook I can play.

The funny thing is... When the semester ends, there is actually work to do. A lot of work. So my last two weeks will be crazy. Ah well...

The Plan

There is a plan. It is written in pencil, but still it is a plan.

Why in pencil do you ask? Only because I tend to be a wee bit impulsive, and I want to make sure that I am making my plan thoughtfully and not impulsively. Last time I made a plan impulsively, I got myself this job that makes me want to stab my eyes out.

What's that? Oh what is this so-called Plan?

First, I get to quit this job. To coincide with my children's summer break and I will be home to parent my children instead of send them off to summer school and daycare (which the husband is adamantly opposed to. Don't ask why. That is a whole other Oprah that we just don't have time for.) If I don't stay home, we would have to find a nanny, which in our smallish town is not an easy prospect.

Second, I go back to school and get my master's degree. Here in comes the thoughtfully vs. impulsively. The program I am looking at has a Fall deadline of May 1st. I would have to commit and do all the paperwork (I have to write an essay, kill me now) and take/pass the GRE before then. That's kinda quick. So my plan is to take a class or two in the Fall, MAKE SURE I want to do this school thing, and start the program in the Spring of 2011.

Do I sound calm? I am working really hard at sounding calm. I figure if I practice hard enough with this calm thing, it may override the shrieking, panic-filled banshee that is rolling around inside me.

I have this little issue with change. And anxiety. The plan doesn't sit well with the issues. I am a tad nervous about giving up the full paycheck. But we did do this the other way around. With me working and the husband going to school. Plus part of the plan is for me to work part time. (Hopefully with an assistantship and fee waivers...)

I still have to contact the people in the program to make sure I can take the 2 classes I am looking at without being admitted, plus I have to apply to the grad school.

Plus I have to quit in such a lovely sweet way that my boss and former boss (same office) will write me letters of recommendation for the program.

The program? You're curious, you say... oh, well then. Master of Arts in Library Science. (Did that catch anyone off-guard?)

So what do you think of my plan?